http://campuspages.cvcc.vccs.edu/POLIS/2003/nonfiction/RRJ%201.htm
http://www.yellowpigs.net/classes/awakening
http://www.vcu.edu/engweb/eng384/symbols.htm

I married Leonce, I had an affair with Arobin, I am in love with Robert....who will it be tomorrow?My boys, Etienne and Raoul. No! They do not possess me!

What a beautiful sight this is. The serenity of the sun, the tranquility of the waves, the peacefulness of my soul...."Good-by-because I love you"!

Robert is back! Why did he not seek me to tell me so? Did he not miss me as I so very much missed him? I wonder if he had plenty to do and see while in Mexico. I'm sure there were enough pretty Mexican girls to keep him busy during his stay. He seems so distant. Was it something I said or did? I wish he would speak of his trip or say more than answer what I ask of him.

An odd evening with Alcee Arobin! I wanted something to happen, anything. The touch of his hand gave me great sensations. But why does it make me upset that he brought excitement to my soul. What would Robert think? Quite frankly, it doesn't matter what Leonce thinks. He is just a man I married to pass my time with. Oh! What have I done?

I know I am not an artist, but if I wish to create art, then so be it. Why must Leonce ridicule my efforts of peace? I feel free when I paint and it brings me content. Leonce looks at me as if I were becoming mentally unstable. He cares only for my submissiveness to him. If I do not oblige his wants or his needs, he becomes irritable. There are days when I am happy and days when I am unhappy and I don't know why. It doesn't feel worth while to be glad or sorry or to be dead or alive!

Leonce angers me! While if I choose to leave the house, then I will leave the house. Who is he to tell me I shouldn't leave? He can take his ring and keep it! I wish not to wear it! AAAGGHH! If only I could smash it broken!

Why has Robert not written to me? He promised he would write, yet I have received nothing, nothing at all! He writes to his mother, but not to me! How dare he forget all of which we have shared. Did he already forget me? He is all I think of throughout my days. I find myself speaking of Robert every chance I get, even to Leonce. I miss Robert, that I will not deny, but it angers me in a way I have never felt before.

How dare Robert leaves me at a time where I am most vulnerable to him. Mexico? What will he do in Vera Cruz, Mexico? What will I do? Who will I share my time with? Who will listen to me when I feel a need to be heard? I feel like such a child infatuated with a boy. Oh my! Is this a possibility? Infatuation? I am shedding tears of sadness. I will miss him far too much. I do not want Robert to leave me at a time like this. I know he promised to write, but what if he doesn't?

What are these thoughts I am having? Did it really bother me that Robert is so sociable amongst others? Grande Terre tomorrow with Robert...Is that wise? It doesn't matter. I am going with my impulse. I am tired of doing the right thing all the time.

I don't know what over came me. Perhaps it was the music Madamoiselle Reisz had played earlier tonight. I was feeling the freedom to to as I pleased without any barriers surrounding me. I felt the sense of freedom like I have never felt before. Emotional? Daring? Uncaring of others? I am unsure. The music stirred up an passionate emotion within me. It was almost like a dream. A dream Robert could see in my eyes.

My marriage to Leonce was purely fate. When he fell in love I was flattered to say the very least. I became fond of him and settled for marriage. I grew to love Leonce but surely not the way I felt I should have. Since then we have had two beautiful boys and I feel they are cheated from what I hate to admit even to myself. I have never been a mother-woman. Not like the other ladies on the Grand Isle.

I have a wonderful husband who I am certain adores me. Yet it is not enough. These feelings, this confusion, oh my! How do I explain to anyone? I cannot bare to even understand my thoughts. Wondering where I would be if I hadn't married Leonce. Perhaps not even have the children. I have a good life. Should I forget what I feel and live what I have started?