How dare Robert leaves me at a time where I am most vulnerable to him. Mexico? What will he do in Vera Cruz, Mexico? What will I do? Who will I share my time with? Who will listen to me when I feel a need to be heard? I feel like such a child infatuated with a boy. Oh my! Is this a possibility? Infatuation? I am shedding tears of sadness. I will miss him far too much. I do not want Robert to leave me at a time like this. I know he promised to write, but what if he doesn't?

What are these thoughts I am having? Did it really bother me that Robert is so sociable amongst others? Grande Terre tomorrow with Robert...Is that wise? It doesn't matter. I am going with my impulse. I am tired of doing the right thing all the time.

I don't know what over came me. Perhaps it was the music Madamoiselle Reisz had played earlier tonight. I was feeling the freedom to to as I pleased without any barriers surrounding me. I felt the sense of freedom like I have never felt before. Emotional? Daring? Uncaring of others? I am unsure. The music stirred up an passionate emotion within me. It was almost like a dream. A dream Robert could see in my eyes.

My marriage to Leonce was purely fate. When he fell in love I was flattered to say the very least. I became fond of him and settled for marriage. I grew to love Leonce but surely not the way I felt I should have. Since then we have had two beautiful boys and I feel they are cheated from what I hate to admit even to myself. I have never been a mother-woman. Not like the other ladies on the Grand Isle.

I have a wonderful husband who I am certain adores me. Yet it is not enough. These feelings, this confusion, oh my! How do I explain to anyone? I cannot bare to even understand my thoughts. Wondering where I would be if I hadn't married Leonce. Perhaps not even have the children. I have a good life. Should I forget what I feel and live what I have started?